Category: Domme Thought

A girlfriend and I were having a talk last night. She spent a night with a new lover. Has potential right? Wrong, apparently it was not so good. The question came up on how one can triage their potential sexual experience later. I am not talking about a relationship here. I am talking about sex, one night stands, an experience purely for the carnal desires that require little to no intimacy.

I am not really a one night stand kind of woman. I have those moments, the ones where a girl just wants to get laid. I have enjoyed them in the past and will likely enjoy them again in the future. My friend desires sex, just fucking, nothing more nothing less. Just a good time bathing in the sexual experience. No strings, no obligations, just a night shared.

Her rather bland, boring, not so exciting experiences this weekend prompted the question

How does one triage a potential fuck? And how should they be vetted?

The vetting or evaluation process is subjective. Every one has different desires and criteria. More on this in the future. Where was I? Triage… a system that will allow a person insight into whether or not this particular dance partner is one worth taking time for. It’s intuitive for me. I have shitty sex once in my life and it is not an experience I care to repeat, so I feel her pain. The problem is my triage process, completely intuitive. I have no idea how I know my lovers or potential lovers have the ability to satisfy me. It just happens that way. The question did allow me some moments of reflection. It is not something I look at often. I take this ability for granted when really, I should be celebrating it. As I ask around, it seems to be a rare gift.

I connect experiences and random facts I have learned about the person, either through their own admission or from others. These connections are not obvious nor are they always conscious. I just read people quite well, probably why I am so good at my job. So how does one know their sights are set to the right person?

So my friend and I talked and though no clear way to triage a potential fuck came from it, I did from some conclusions on what NOT to do.

1. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Do not get distracted by the physical. Just because some little individual is gorgeous, it does not mean their performance will be worth it.
2. Don’t expect them to read your mind. If this is someone who has difficulty communicating or you, yourself have difficulty communication your desires make sure there is some way for them to know what you want. This does not mean just vocalization but body language or movements.
3. Don’t ignore the way they walk. I can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk. Confidence vs ego, determination vs blasé. Though this is not a clear picture it can be an indicator.

This all depends on the kind of fuck you are looking for. If you are looking merely for a distraction and experience beyond that is not important, then triage is not necessary. I believe the most important key is making sure you know what you want from your escapade. As well as, being able to communicate that.

I was hoping this would be more concrete, with clear methods of triage. The reality is, it is difficult to determine how someone will be while fucking and my magical spidey senses are not a common skill and I should consider myself lucky.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

This is my new favourite thing on the internet:

So many sexual experiences are clouded by shame.  Shame affects us all, even when we least expect it. I have always been lucky in that the majority of my sexual experiences have been empowering. I feel very little shame when it comes to sex, or whom I am attracted to. It always shocks me when people say, “I can talk to you about this but I would never tell anyone else.” When I ask why, it is usually something along the lines of being judged by others.

I understand that not everyone was raised in a sexually empowered environment like I was. That not everyone talks as freely about sex and sexual experiences with those around them as I do. It is unfortunate. Sure, there will always be people who judge. I am judged constantly. I don’t care though. I have always lived counter culture, which means you either constantly fight to justify your choices are you just say, well fuck you. I am happy and don’t need your approval. All that to say the idea of shame is fairly alien to me.

And then, I read (some of) the comments on that fantastic video. In reading them, I started to understand why so many people are hesitant to enjoy the sexual experience. The random correlations that people seem to make with a woman embracing a one night stand is dumbfounding. As a woman, it offends me that the idea of my embracing a one night stand will cause all the children to conceive and hell to reign on earth. I suppose this is where the shame comes from. The ridiculous uneducated trolling of individuals who have nothing better to do than spit random consequences that have little or nothing to do with the sexual experience.

Is this why people feel shame? Because others make snap unfounded correlations between their sexual behaviour and the state of the world? Do people let others’ stupidity affect the enjoyment of their experience? I can’t speak for others or what motivates shame around the sexual experience. All I can do is not feel shame and continue enjoying my sexual self. If people are uncomfortable because of their own hang ups that is their problem and not mine.

This doesn’t mean you have to announce your experiences unless you want to. I just mean, we should not, especially women should not allow people to perpetuate the myths created false correlations between a lack of sexual shame and the downfall of society. Enjoy the sexual experience. Embrace it. If you are feeling shame, make sure that has to do with your own response and not one conditioned by the judgmental people surrounding us.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

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Post Script: My intention in writing this was not the rant that it became. Stupid comments… I allow them to affect me more than I should sometimes.

Can consent really be taught? As the mother of a newly minted teenage boy, I often think about this. How can we teach our children abut consent when so many adult don’t even truly grasp the importance of it? Why is it such a challenge for people to understand consent? Are we so preoccupied with our own emotions, desires, wants, that we neglect the other people around us? In a world where you can get just about anything you want, and usually almost instantaneously, is it any surprise that consent is never really discussed?

Teaching consent to children is a challenge. We are constantly forcing them into situation in which they have little or no control. There are exceptions and I am making a huge generalisation but I stand by my perspective. From an early age when make them feel that their opinions don’t matter. This starts at infancy. Infants are passed around from family member to family member, friend to friend, mother to stranger. Children cry and we laugh about how much of a mama’s child they have already become. A child that age cannot voice consent and not everyone can read their children or give a moment’s thought to whether or noth the child consents to being passed around. It continues throughout children, “give aunty June a kiss” “Don’t touch that” “you HAVE to share your toys” simple run of the mill statements to our children, pave the way to their lack of understanding of consent and what it means. I know these statements are meant to teach children to share or show affection, but we forget to have an informed talk with our kids before barking orders at them. Could these violations of their consent pave the way to not understanding consent and its importance? I think so but that does not mean we should let our children do whatever they want. It is a hard balance between teaching and training, understanding and obedience. I am not going to preach about how to raise children, I am merely using this as an example to demonstrate that from an early age children are in situations where informed consent could be present but isn’t.

At a certain maturity niveau, children can understand consent at lot more than we give them credit for. We forget that as parents we can offer them more than direction and orders. We can talk with them about why we do certain things and explain the need for them to do them. Ask them how they feel about situations. Find a compromise. I don’t want to preach about parenting but rather show how parenting is an excellent opportunity to truly change how the future generation understands and implements informed consent.

Something to think about when dealing with children and consent, and the teaching of it. Consent cannot be taught in a do as I say and not as I do model. Look for future posts on understanding consent as an adult and within a sexual context.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I find that since my injury (fractured ankle), perhaps as a result of my not being able to sleep in my bed, my dreams have taken on a whole life of their own. More than likely this is due to the meds I am taking, or the pain, seeing as I am not really taking anything that should affect my thought process. Anyway, where was I, oh yes, perverse dreaming. My dreams have taken this whole new level of insanity. It seems that a while different life is being led all while I am restlessly sleeping.

The weirdest part, none of the dreams are odd. They are normal, everyday events. Conversations with people I speak to on a regular basis, the occasional lost friend or lover but really they are so normal that I am never quite sure I am dreaming or not. These conversations are usually simple straightforward. The difference, the biggest difference between my awake self and my dreaming self, is the freedom through which my thoughts become words. Generally, I think before I speak. I think a lot before I speak. Not so much when I type, which is why I write so much. When I speak, each syllable is mapped, planned out and executed in a very deliberate manner. That is not to say I censored myself, I just pick the words, and tone carefully. It takes a fraction of a second, I have always been like that.

I promised some perverse dreaming discussion. So last night’s dreaming was the first that took on a situation apart from reality. I say perverse because this is not a situation I would like to find myself in. Though during the dream I was happy, pleased. I embraced the situation and delighted in it. I was pregnant, early pregnancy. The dream was very specific I was just on cusp of starting my second trimester. Father’s day was very likely the influence of this dream. As a single parent, as a teenage mother, there was no delighting in my pregnancy, a story for another day. Within this dream, everyone was happy. There was bliss in the knowledge that this organism grow within me.

The perverse part of this dream, is the idea of another offspring. I am perfectly content with my life as it is and my son being the age he is, there is no way another child is in the plans. It was nice though, a kind of closure I suppose. Now to hope it was not prophetic 😉

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I know, I have missed about ten days in a row now. Kind of shitty of me to have made all these plans and posts and nothing really coming from it for over a week. In my defense, I broke my ankle over the weekend (during training camp) and have literally been unable to get off the couch. It sucks. More than sucks. The pain is one thing but the lack of mobility is excruciating. I am a lucky woman, in that I have people around me that will care for me, in such situations. Mainly my son. It is a reminder that my parenting is solid. All this to say, I have missed a few days.

My hope is that this is not a trend that will continue. That from this point onward, I will manage to continue with my daily posting. I have the time now, as I am still rather immobile. My pain level is still rather high and I am pretty well medicated so no guarantees that all my posts with make grammatical sense. But I need to get it start, punctuation errors or not 😉

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I was recently sent a message with the following

whore, let’s see you ignore that

Something along those lines. By recently, I mean like an hour ago or so. And I was just going to ignore it but I thought what a great catalyst for today’s Domme Thought! I have no idea who this person is, obviously they felt they deserved my attention for whatever male entitlement shit they have going on. I think I ignored their friend request on Facebook or something. There is a reason I do not have 5 million friends, I don’t add really. But I digress.

So though giving this statement some attention is obviously what he wanted, and I would normally just leave it as is, I needed something to write about today.

Ways to get yourself blocked from interacting with me:

1. Using whore like it is a bad thing, I actually know several people who have sex for money and I do consider myself a sex worker so it is neither an insult or a crushing blow to my ego.
2. Sending a pic of your cock, we could all do with less dick pics in our lives
3. Thinking you are entitled to my attention or affection. You get neither unless I let you.
4. Asking me “Can you really hypnotise me?” This is almost always followed by a “prove it” which people are expecting for free. I know I can do it, you know I can do it. Otherwise you would not be looking for free attention.
5. Missing appointments… obvious
6. Trying to hypnotise me, I cannot even count how many male hypnotists try this… it is kind of silly, but have fun guys!
7. Being impatient…
8. Sighing in conversations when it takes me longer than 30 secs to reply when you are not paying for the interaction.

SO the lesson here, I don’t get mad, or upset at you for being poorly behaved, you get blocked.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade