A Unique Experience in Femdom
Today is a huge day for me! Finally, after so much work and sacrifice and blood and broken bones, I will be receiving my black belt this morning! It was a long road, one that started many years ago and blossomed this winter!
I am so excited! So I thought I would share this momentous occasion with you.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
Since being focused on my black belt exam and working very infrequently, I find that now that I have time, it has become a bit of a challenge to be creative. Not creative in sessions but when creating audio recordings and videos, as well as tempting social media interactions. Things have been so serious lately. I have been so serious lately. And while I am usual all for serious slaves, and lifestyle changes, I am kind of missing the drive by, fantastical sessions that were once so common.
Now, it is not that I do not want to continue taking things seriously and that I want to abolish my group of devoted, serious slaves and subs. It is more that I miss the fun that an occasional or drive by client can offer. The fetishes were always different, their devotion to Femdom was not for anything more than to get off, to scratch that itch as it were. While I bitch and complain about drive bys sometimes, I did not fully grasp how essential they were to my creative process. It was sessions with them that would allow me to play as well. It would inject some fun into my daily life.
I have fun with my more devoted slaves as well. The long term D-s relationship follows certain criteria, certain rules and regulations that are optional with the submissive fantasy. The ability to play along and enjoy myself while knowing this would not likely become something long term. Or if it did, there was no need to follow my own rules.
This is very contradictory to my normal thoughts on Female Domination and how I like my sessions to be. Perhaps it really is that things have been so serious lately that I need my own outlet, my own fantasy, one that compliments my own desires for amusement without taking things to seriously. One that allows me the freedom to play along and enjoy where the fantasies go.
With that being said, I am hoping to inject more fun, a more blase look at Femdom every now and then. I would like to start project that will not have the goal of long term submissive but rather something people can enjoy every now and then when it strikes their fancy. This will fuel my project for Lifestyle Domme coaching and hypnotic enslavement. I am actually feeling quite excited at the prospect of jut doing shit because.
Or it is the combination of the full moon and Friday, the thirteenth. We shall see.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
As you may have noticed, the last few months have not been filled with posts, tweets, Facebook updates and the like. I have incredibly focused on my black belt exam. It has been a rough road to say the least. I don’t think anyone really sets off on this sort of journey thinking it will be swift and easy. I certainly wasn’t, especially considering my various health issues.
This was not a simple endeavour nor was it terribly profitable, from a professional stand point. I am not sure how many people want to see my limbs black and blue from fight class or the various broken toes, swollen muscles, bruised jaw… well, you get the picture. It is not exactly what you would see as typical Domme behaviour. And while I do not feel the need to behave in a typical fashion, I also did not want my entire Instagram laced with images of obvious aggression and some brutality. So I made a compromise. I limited my exposure for the last few months, smart? Probably. Who knows, and at this point, who cares?
I made a point to reply to messages and take appointments on my own time. The time where I could move and the time where my energy could be focused on my clients. Unfortunately, this reduced the number of new clients coming into my fold and many clients felt that I was shunning them. Completely understandable.
Why does this matter? Well, it doesn’t really. There will be clients new and old who find you once you make yourself available. My lack of availability and interaction over the last few months, my silence, my limited, if any blog posts… those are coming to an end as my exam approaches. The day is finally here (well, in a week) and I will have some freedom again. I will be writing more and with increased vigour as the spring progresses. I have some wonderful plan for Domme Thoughts. This almost feels like a rebirth of sorts, not a reinvention but a chance to put in the time and effort my projects deserve. I am excited to see what the coming months will bring.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
Want to make my black belt ceremony special? Send your gift via giftrocket to AmbientAmbre@gmail.com
This week has been difficult for me. The loss of Alan Rickman combined with the absolutely devastating blow that was the untimely death of David Bowie. I have not been able to discuss it until today and it still feels outside of reality. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t really know the individual on a personal level. You just feel the loss in a way but it can be unreal as you don’t necessarily feel absence of them. I feel it none the less. Bowie was a massive influence on me, on my youth and later on.
I don’t remember my first introduction to Bowie’s music. My parents were fan, and I grew up listening to Station to Station, and the Spiders from Mars on cassette in my family room. We also had them on vinyl, I still do, but we couldn’t listen to them because all three of us children were dancing around the living, jumping on the floors. That sort of thing. Labyrinth as well, no one could forget such an epic story come to life.
His influence on me was separate from the music and the films. It was him I was obsessed with. It was he as an individual that had touched me to such an extent I cannot even begin to put into words here. I read biographies, magazine articles, watched documentaries, all those pre internet media. He was my first love. Understand that I am talking about love the way a child would, we all have that individual that would pull at our souls. I know the words to almost every song, including his as David Jones.
Funny that I should have felt so enamored with him, when really his physical characteristics were not those that I would normal gravitate towards, he was a skinny White boy, I love big Black men. So I cannot say that it was his appearance that I was moved by, don’t get me wrong, I find him sexy AF but that wasn’t it. It was his sexual fluidity that attracted me. His counter culture way of being that seemed to more than a character. His characters, his various personifications of himself were constantly evolving, changing regardless of social norms or gender roles.
When I first saw the cover of The Man Who Sold the World, my first exposure to the idea of “cross dressing,” it struck me. This is a man in a dress, not a man trying to be a woman, not a man trying to be something or someone he isn’t. He just wanted to wear a bloody dress. That was an amazing thing to me, especially at such a young age. It created this realm about me, where gender was completely separate from the individual. That outward appearance has little bearing on who you are.
Not to mention the bisexual aspect. I grew up in a small town, like most small town, not so much racists or bigots, just a product of their lack of exposure (this is what I try to tell myself). So the idea of being bisexual, not just gay or straight, the idea of loving an individual for who they are rather than what dangles or doesn’t, as the case may be, was mind blowing. I realised this was how I identified, not just because he did but because that was how I am.
I am rambling, I know I am. I just had to write something about the massive influence a single individual had over me. Eye opening experiences even before I hit puberty! The man will be missed.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
It’s time to end my monogamous relationship, not the relationship itself, rather the concept of monogamy. It was an interesting experience while it lasted. Now I am finding that I am full of resentment and anger toward my lover. He has not done anything to prompt this response from me, not really. It is more that I find myself in situations where our monogamous limitations become problematic. At first, I was excited to find an individual whose libido could keep up with mine. Lately, he has not been able to keep up. I get it, it happens. I am not in a position to accept being minimally sexual sated. That’s not enough really for me to put an end to monogamy, but the reality is, I have become resentful of the fact that I am repeatedly placed in that position.
Resentment grows and take root in every discussion, disagreement or argument you have. Every action the other person takes is seen through resentfully coloured glasses. Resentment feeds off everything! Even at this moment, I am sitting here seething because a text has not been replied to. It’s a dumb thing to be angry about, but resentment just makes it that much more intense. I resent having rules to adhere to even though I had initially agreed to them. This is one of the reasons I like to do multiple check ins with my subs. It avoids resentment and allows the relationship to expand its parameters.
So my plan is that over the next few days, I will bring up my concerns and my plan to establish a poly or open relationship with my lover. Ultimately, should he decide to not accept, I am going to have to revisit whether or not I want to continue with this relationship. I am a Domme, I need attention and power. Even if our relationship is not based on such things. That leaves me with very few options. I fear if I let things continue as they are, I will lose my fucking mind, and that is not good. I will keep you posted on how this discussion goes.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
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It seems I spoke too soon with regard to the baths and consent. I suppose there has to be at least one rotten fruit in the barrel. My friend and I were at the baths last night. Yes, on a Tuesday. Yes, we may have a problem. Anyway, at the baths. Now, where my intentions are purely an indulgence in nudity and water, okay, yes and some eye candy. I enjoy watching. So where my intentions are not to hook up, the girlfriend I go with, she is usually on the prowl. It’s great actually! It does however create some confusion among the other bath patrons. They are either thinking we are a couple, or that we are looking for a group experience. Due to the nature of our environment, I can’t blame anyone for misinterpreting our presence.
What I can blame people for… touching without permission. Touching, regardless of how innocent seeming the touch is, requires consent. Again, due to the nature of the environment, I can understand how an individual’s fingers might push the lines of acceptable behaviour and venture into territory they normally would not. Like I said, Can’t blame someone for that. I mean, it’s rude as fuck especially when there has been no forward advances or invitations, but the rooms can be dark and the water concealing so, yeah, no real blame there.
Where the “Oh HELL NO” comes in… when your advances were rejected with a polite wave of the hand, in a clear “not tonight” gesture and while acknowledging my request you back off. But that lasts no more than a moment before you move to sit beside me. Dude, not fucking cool. I get that there are only a few women in the baths that night, and you paid your entrance fees, but that does not mean you are entitled to feast upon the treasures that lay within my body. It’s not for you unless I say yes!
THREE, three, yes let me repeat that three repetitions of “no” occurred, each one brought a few minutes of alone time followed by another unwanted caress. When the fourth incident took place, I had had enough. After verbally smacking him down, with a lecture on appropriate approaches, I left the hot tub and removed myself from the situation, not for my benefit but for his. Another uncalled for touch and violence would have ensued.
Going forward. The situation was not ideal and his complete disregard of my wishes appalling, I cannot think of a way to prevent this from happening again. I mean, yeah, I could tell people to fuck off the moment they make eye contact with me, but that’s not really my style. I can tell you though, going forward, there will be no second chances.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
For the purposes of this article, I am using Fetishist and practitioners of BDSM interchangeably. This is not always the case but in this instance it applies to the BDSM community and fetishist feels like a better word than Domme, sub, Dom, slave, puppy, Owner, Mistress, ... the list goes on. Thus fetishist as the term used here.
It’s interesting. There seems to have always been a certain animosity between swingers and fetishists. Even with a rather significant overlap in behaviours. I was at the swingers’ baths the other night and as usually was having a wonderful time. While I do not see myself as a swinger, it is not really something I participate in, I always enjoy being there. I blame the water 😉 A girlfriend and I were talking about the quasi feud that there seems to be between the two cultures. My friend has been into BDSM longer than I have, and though not currently part of the scene, she was for a long time.
What is it about these two cultures that causes the friction? Swingers and fetishists have a lot in common. Both are seen as deviant behaviour, counter culture. They have their own clubs and gatherings. They have their own rules and behavioural expectations. What is it that keeps them apart?
To figure this out, I went back in time to my first encounter with the notions of swingers and fetishists. The BDSM community is BIG on consent, and if they are not, stay away, but a discussion for another time. Consent is a massive part of the BDSM lifestyle. Why? Because you are electing to either cause or receive pain. This is one of the few places where consent is utilized properly. Where as swingers, without the aspect of pain see consent as a given. Not necessarily a given but they tend to see consent in a way that is comparable to the way the rest of society sees it. It is assumed consent is there.
While I do not feel that my experiences within the swinger baths showed a violation of consent, or that anyone was indulging in something that went beyond what was consensual, there were also no discussions about it. No active informed consent, no consent discussions, no debating or negotiating. The consent was assumed.
Maybe this is key to why the two communities seem at odds. I have to admit, coming from the background I do, my ideals, my views, the lack of these consent discussions were a little shocking. More so when you take into account the consuming of alcohol. What can I say, different strokes. The swinger culture has a sense of freedom that I can’t help but covet. Is it for me? Absolutely not. Could it be in the future? Who knows, sexuality is fluid. The BDSM community has structure, roles, rules and regulations, consent. For now, my sexuality swings (pun totally intended) more toward BDSM and likely always will.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
The Domme vs The Mom, coming to you live this Saturday night. Brought to you by … teenagers, fucking with your household’s power structure since (what feels like) the dawn of time. (Read in my best announcer voice!)
Oh the battles that occur within my own mind! The power dynamics within my household are actually far more liberal than people usually expect. I mean, I definitely have my rules and they have to be followed but beyond those, there are few restrictions. The house runs smoothly. Until lately. Lately I have a teenage monster living with me, with his testosterone and teenage mood swing. It has been difficult for both of us to adapt to these new conditions.
My challenge, not being the Domme. One could argue that the roles are similar and there is definitely some cross over but I do not want to dominate my child or his experiences. I am not referring to physical punishments or isolation, things like that, I am referring to aspects of the D-s relationship like complete control, permission to do anything, needing to accomplish things to receive rewards… okay, some of you might be reading this and think, well yeah, that’s a big part of parenting. But for me, it is the mind switch that gets changed over.
The Domme switch in its on position is all about making sure you never question my authority, never question anything that is told to you, you are mine to do with as I please (within sessions and previously discussed informed consent… you know what I mean). The mother switch, also about authority but for different reasons. The descriptions of either archetype are so similar that it is impossible to illustrate through language alone. There is an attitude when dealing with the other half of the relationship and that is the difference. I don’t have any desire to look upon my child as something that I own, that belongs to me. Whereas, a slave, could definitely be seen as an object or possession.
When my household gets rocky, like people not obeying rules or forgetting about chores, not doing school work…. we all know how teenagers are, take your pick of behaviours that would upset the apple cart. When shit is not getting done, I either become nagging, crazy mom or Domme bitch from hell! And while I know several boys and girls that would enjoy the Domme bitch from hell, this is not a situation where I welcome her. On the other side, I hate being the nag. Basically I am running out of archetypes 😉
The most important thing to me, is to not become the Domme when these situations arise. To keep my cool and find different ways to communicate and make my needs and expectations clear without going into a Domme like head space.
I am sure there will be many rematches between the Domme and the Mom but eventually the Mom will win because that’s what I want and as a Domme I always get what I want…. see right there, how they tie in together 😉
À bientôt
Ambre Jade
I spend a fair amount of time talking, researching, writing about sex, sexuality and D-s relationships. My hands on experiences have been rather limited lately. My time has been divided between mental health sessions, parenting, my lover, writing, etc. As you can easily see, I am a busy woman. Anyway, so not much hands on time lately. While I not really feel I am missing much at the moment, it is still good to explore. So this weekend, a girlfriend took me out to one of the local baths.
While this is not something I have done in the past, and I am usually not very good with new experiences, this was great. While I am not a proponent of the swinging lifestyle, I have no qualms with those that are, and support their expression of sexuality and their experience. I am very glad that I went. While I did not engage in anything sexual, my choice, it was quite pleasant to see people free to express their sexual selves in a somewhat public manner.
Also, I just love being naked. As a Domme, I am rarely nude. I don’t feel that nudity is part of my identity as a Domme. I much prefer CFNM but the rest of my identity is definitely a nudist. It have to say it was quite nice sitting in the hot tub completely naked, everyone around us doing the same. While I don’t necessarily see nudity as sexual (more on that in a future post), the sexual undertones of the environment were hard to ignore. Porn was playing on TV screens, which I happily could have gone without but that’s the nature of the thing…
It was really nice to enjoy the environment we were in. While it would have been nice to have a slave or two with us during that adventure, that would have meant I would not have enjoyed the sensations of water on my naked skin. More on my adventures at the baths coming up.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
A late night posting tonight. I was a rather busy woman today and recovering from a rather intense reunion with my lover. It had been two weeks (I had strep and didn’t leave my bed and not in a fun way). My lover’s thing is making me cum. As a Domme, pro or lifestyle, I do not let my submissives experience my orgasms. Well, I should say, I rarely let my submissives experience my orgasms. It find it very freeing that I can share these moments with him. Anyway, back to the subject at hand, well his hand more specifically.
He loves making me cum. He can spend hours making me cum without so much as an orgasm for himself. It’s a wonderful quality to have in a lover. There should be more people like that. Thing is, we don’t need hours. There is something about our chemistry together that has me shrieking within moments, squirting within a few minutes. It’s quite crazy actually. I have never really had a lover like that before. Not to say that I don’t orgasm, just not at this frequency or such short intervals.
I lost count last night. The number of orgasms surpassed the point where I could count. He couldn’t count them either, which means it was over 25. All this to say, I am a very tired Domme.
À bientôt
Ambre Jade
