Viewing Your Domme as a Leader

June 2, 2014 by Ms Ambre Jadein Domme Thought8 Comments

Domme as a Leader

While writing down the qualities I want to have as a Domme, I noticed that many of them emulated those of a great leader. A leader, to me, is not necessarily someone in a position of power but rather someone who inspires the devotion of those around them. We do not follow great leaders because we have no choice. We follow them because they make us better. They make us want to be better. They inspire us.

Should we see Dommes as leaders? Not every Domme is a leader and not every leader is dominant but would it not be advantageous as a submissive to be inspired by your Domme? This is something I aspire to. I want to inspire greatness from my submissives. What other characteristics would be great for a Domme to have?

Knowledge of Limitations

I am not just referring to the physical limits of an individual but in a broader sense. I need to be fully aware of my own limits. The knowledge of what I can and can not do is invaluable. Knowledge is also power. The power to know when the perceived limits can be and should be pushed.

Control

Not only the ability to control a submissive but having self control is EXTREMELY important. When someone gives you power over their body, you need to be in complete control. You must have control over your emotions. Never lay a hand in anger. Be aware of what you as an individual are feeling and check it in at the door.

Confidence

It goes without saying that a Domme should be confident. Be confident in your abilities and in the abilities of your sub. This ties in with your knowledge of limitations, if you are not sure, not confident, do not do it. Demand (control) that your sub and you interact in a different manner.

Honesty

This is one of the characteristics I find the hardest. As a professional Domme it is difficult to be honest all of the time. There is still a business component to the relationship which can be difficult. I try to make it a point, to always be honest. Do not mistake honesty for full disclosure. No one really needs to know everything about you, unless you are in a defined partnership and even then it depends on the relationship.

Good Communicator

This is essential! Why would anyone follow someone who can not string two words together? Clear, concise commands are the most effective. Another component of communication is the ability to listen. Be willing to hear out the thoughts of your submissive. Yes, they are, in this context, inferior but that does not mean they are free of thought and feeling. Learn to read body language and listen for words that may not mean what you think they mean.

Respect

As a Domme, you want those around you to respect you. This is not something that can be commanded or forced. But when you are comparing yourself to a leader, respect means something else. It means you respect those around you. I understand that not everyone will agree with me here, but I feel that a Domme should respect her subjects. They should be respected! They are giving you power over them, be it their minds or their bodies, for 5 minutes or 5 years, they are giving the power to you. You should respect their decision. They decided you were the most suitable Domme, they respect you that much.

Obviously there are other qualities of a leader, that a Domme should try and emulate. They should be devoted to you. You should lead them.

What qualities do you find most appealing? What does she/he do that you feel makes them the best leader for you?

Understanding the Female Led Relationship

June 1, 2014 by Ms Ambre Jadein Domme Thought10 Comments

Female Led Relationship

Before I had ever heard the phrase “female led relationship,” I had already adapted this model for my life. In the past, I would have identified as a feminist, believing that all parties are equal and deserve an equal voice within any relationship. Though the roots of my feminist beliefs are still strong and play a large role in how I model my relationships, I find that I have evolved past them in my romantic relationships. I no longer desire equality, I desire supremacy. No, my ego is not huge and I do not feel superior to everyone I meet. I am not a bitch, I am not a horrible human being that yells and screams when the dishes are not done or the garbage not taken out. I just want control. I desire the power to make decisions that pertain to my relationships and the ability to have the final say. Let’s look at FLR (female led relationship) and what it is.

What is a Female Led Relationship?

Defining any relationship is difficult. There are so many factors that are specific to the individuals. Female led relationships are no different. There are some factors that remain the same for most models.

FLR is a model for a “heterosexual” relationship.
The identified woman is the ultimate decision maker as it pertains to the relationship.
The identified man of the relationship wants the woman to lead.

I have no intentions to turn this into a discussion about gender or sexual orientation, so interpret “heterosexual,” “woman,” and “man” as it would relate to your relationship. I want to say that the most important factor is the woman as the leader but in my experience, the most important factor is that the man be willing to follow.

A matriarch does not necessarily want to nag her man. She wants to create the rules surrounding the relationship. She does not want to force him to listen, though at times of training or during the introduction of new protocols it may be necessary. The man has to support this dynamic. He has to be willing to give up control over certain, and sometimes all, aspects of his life. Without the support, the dynamic crumbles. There must be a consensus between the woman and the man regarding what decisions she has power over. These can change over time and evolve depending on the individuals but I group them into 3 main categories.

Decisions Regarding the Relationship

Is it time to get married? Should we move in together? Is it time to meet the parents? You can see where I am going here. These decisions in all FLRs should be the responsibility of the woman. She is the one to determine the next step in the relationship. I have seen, through casual observation, that within the FLR community it seems rather common for the relationship to eventually extend into a D/s (Dominant/ submissive) relationship. It does not always happen but when and if it does, it is up to the woman. She is responsible for the decision. It is the woman’s responsibility to make that decision with the man’s wants and needs in mind as well. She is the matriarch but she needs to know the reactions her decisions will have on her subjects and react accordingly.

Decisions About Everyday Tasks, Behaviours, the Mundane

Who does the dishes? Who does the shopping? To me, this is what defines MY female led relationships. This is where I love having all the control. I like to be clear about my expectations and where my partner’s responsibilities lie. Should it be shopping, collecting the dry-cleaning, or making a decision as to where we are going to eat, I thrive on having control over these decisions. This can include the finances. In my relationships I have ultimate control over everything, including the finances. In my ideal relationship, the man would receive a weekly allowance. Controlling? Absolutely! Abuse? No, remember that my partners have agreed to this dynamic beforehand! (More on the topic of abuse compared to dominance later. It is a huge topic that I would like to devote an entire discussion to it!)

Big Life Decisions

Do we have kids? How would they be raised? Should we move? Buy a house? Rent? Own? These are huge decisions. It takes a true leader to determine what is right for her family. Allowing someone to make these decisions for you can be difficult. So can making these decisions. But if your female led relationship has the dynamic where she makes these choices, you should feel confident in her ability to weigh the outcomes. This can be scary. Not every FLR has a dynamic conducive to this type of power exchange. But if yours does, all the more power to you. If you are someone who is new to FLR, this might not be the right place to start.

Ultimately the decisions can be categorized like so:

Decisions about the relationship
Decisions about the household (day to day)
Decisions about the family (life decisions)

There is no need to rush your relationship into one where all the decisions rest on one woman’s shoulders. But if you are ready, the rewards can be amazing (more on that later this month).

The work of a submissive and a Domme for that matter is never done. Both have to excel at understanding desires. On the side of the submissive, s/he must understand their own initial desires. This is of course before becoming owned (should that be your desire). Once ownership is established it becomes more of a collective agreement between Domme and sub, with Me anyway. This agreements are of course forged prior to any session and during the session… well I have all the power and I use it however I want to. your purpose is to please Me. But I digress. This is an important discussion.

you, as the submissive, are responsible for understanding desires. Understanding your own desires. If you want your limits push, you are the one initially responsible for communicating that desire to Me. Once W/we have an established relationship that changes. This basically applies to those of you wanting to begin a journey with Me. you do not need to understand why you have these specific desires but I need to know where you would like to see a hypnosis session lead. Mind reading is sadly not among My many talents. Though once W/we know each other well enough, it becomes less clear.

Understanding desires is not as simple as it seems and desires evolve over time. What was once a hard limit becomes softer over time. you may also find that what was once a soft limit becomes hard. Oui, hypnosis can easily change or push you and your limits. It is a unique adventure even in helping you discover your limits. Some things seem erotic but only in the unknown. Hypnosis can allow you a media through which to explore. With a Dominant Woman beside you, you will feel safe and open and ready to explore.

So if I, Ambre Jade, can create a realm in which your limits can become fluid, why would I want to know your limitations? Because I would like U/us both to enjoy the moment. I like to have an understanding of where you are coming from and starting from. I like understanding desires so that I may mold them and create new ones. Whether you are starting out your experiences in erotic hypnosis or you are an old hand and looking for a new Mistreess or concurrent One or if you are looking for exploration through hypnosis, you still need to understand and voice your limitations.

Let’s try an example of voicing a hard limit vs a soft limit.

“i really like wearing panties but i am not really into pink. I do not want to do anything with another man even though i like dressing up.”

There are 2 separate limits and a desire there. The soft limit is the colour of the panties. In fact, this limit is so soft one could even argue that it is not really there. The second limit, the hard limit is “forced-bi”. As you can easily see the desire is dressing up. This vocalisation of both desire and limit is complete. It is enough for Me to create a fantasy. I would have further questions just to confirm that I am completely understanding the desires vocalised here.

Understanding desires has so many different little tiny nuances that it is difficult to sum them all up here. But what you have to understand as a submissive or a hypnosis lover is that you need to understand where you are starting from. I have heard many people claim to have no limits only to get pissed off when a Domme decides to do x when he was expecting Her to y. Creating a positive, great hypnosis experience takes two people. you do have a certain responsibility here. Just remember that once the hypnosis session starts, you are completely absolved of any responsibility allowing you to drift away and let go.

your Mind is Mine,

Ambre Jade

A couple of post script notes: Do not forget to follow My healthy 4 Ambre tumblr and twitter @healthy4Ambre as well as Miss Haylee Lynn’s @healthy4Haylee

The pictures used today were from vecteezy, the artist is diegobuey!

Category: Domme Thought