Doormat or Submissive; What Power Exchange is Not

Power exchange is not about an individual becoming a doormat. As a submissive, you do have the ability to both refuse and negotiate how sessions will come to being. This idea that by becoming a submissive or even just identifying as a submissive means you have no rights, no say in what happens to you, is flawed. I genuinely believe that this idea that power exchange means the submissive should be doormat in order to be a “proper” submissive, grew from the need to control women’s bodies. As those of you who are part of the BDSM community, Dommes are few and far between. (One of the reasons many of us charge for our services, supply and demand, but I digress…) Women are often on the more submissive side of the power exchange.

Historically, and in the current state of things, women’s bodies are viewed as vessel for pleasure. Our purpose is purely to please our male counterparts. Our bodies are not always ours to control. Look at reproductive rights, access to contraception, porn! The concept of our bodies not being ours is not something new and it is deeply engrained into our minds as well as the minds of men. Not all obviously, I am doing my generalization thing.

Power Exchange Discussion with Ambre JadeSo how does this control of the female body relate to power exchange? As women make up the majority of submissives and the popularity of books and films, various media depicting women as the submissive will prove, the act of submission has taken on the idea of your body no longer being yours! “A real submissive would never say no to this!” “Safewords are for pussies!” (There will be a rant about that term at a later date.) Women have been treated as doormats and expect to be treated as such. A submissive (a feminine role) should be treated and expect to be treated as a doormat.

This entire view point is flawed and wrong. Doormats, while they do exist within the BDSM community, chose to be that way. In a power exchange, there is no real exchange if one is in fact a doormat. Because they themselves do not see or desire any power. A submissive has power. They decided to give it to another being for a period of time, but at the end of the session, or within designated spaces, they can take their power back.

It irks me that so many people believe that being a doormat is part of being submissive. The two have nothing to do with one another. BDSM is about trust, knowing you are giving your power to someone by choice. Someone submitting to you is a gift, not a right.

If, as a Domme, I expect doormat behaviour… because let’s face it, sometimes it is fun when your every whim is obeyed and you can do whatever you want to your submissive, then we discuss the expectation beforehand. I insist on clear, concise limits from my submissive before we session. I tailor my session accordingly. This is what makes me deserving of the gift of your submission. This is what all Dommes should reflect upon… in the power exchange, do I deserve this gift!

I have a feeling the idea of the doormat as a submissive was created to minimise the incidence of topping from the bottom. I can’t be sure, more research will have to be done.

What preconceived notions about BDSM or submission bother you?

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

1 888 726-2447

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(This piece was originally going to outline behavioural differences but as I wrote and researched, I found myself changing the tone of the entire piece.)

Budgeting For Findom Slaves, Domme Advice

Over the last few weeks, there have been three incidents in which I create a budget for a Findom slave. Some people seem to believe that budgeting for findom slaves takes away some of the fun, that by capping what you can give, or rather what you should give takes away from the experience. From a personal standpoint, I have never found it so. I have always enjoyed creating budgets, pinching pennies, finding creative solutions, things like that. I have primarily created such plans for those who worship me, but on a few occasions there have been requests from individuals (slaves) who serve another.

Seeking Advice

Budgeting for Findom slavesThese slaves, though for me, I look upon them as individuals seeing as they serve another, tend to be looking for an impartial look at their contributions to their Goddess’ lifestyle without living out of a cardboard box. As sexy as the fantasy of breaking financially, the reality is not so pleasant. Sure, an accountant would be best but do you desire admitting to your accountant that this is your fetish? Do you want to have to explain the who, what, where, when, why s of your financial domination fetish? Finding someone who both understands your fetish and is excellent with numbers would be a perfect compromise. You could also speak with your Goddess, but not everyone wants to admit there are limitations on their spending or it is just not something that is part of their findom experience. Also, let’s be honest, Findoms (and there are many, many exceptions to this prejudice) are not very well known for their benevolence. Sometimes you need an outside voice that understands and is willing to help.

Budgeting for Findom slaves that Serve Me

An outside voice is not the motivation when you serve me. I am the only voice. The motivation comes from a desire to give more, not just money but also more information. The creation of a budget requires a large amount of information to the shared with me. I have an understanding of how you spend and what you spend it on. I can see and judge your priorities. This sharing of information, under the right conditions can be incredibly erotic. Information is power and knowing your financial situation is more information for me 🙂

I want Ambre Jade to help me with my Findom budget!

Naturally you can see how budgeting for Findom slaves would be beneficial to myself and to you, as the slave. How do you make that a reality? There are a few choices:

  • Call my Lifestyle Line on Niteflirt, I will get all the information I need from you and subsequently send you a delightful spreadsheet
  • Call my toll free (mention it is for budgeting, it is cheaper than hypnosis)
  • Email me and enclose a 50$ tribute via giftrocket.

Be on the look out for more budget tips, including how to make more money for your Goddess.

Have fun with your budget planning!

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

1 888 726-2447

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Femdom Life Coaching: A holistic approach to Female Domination

My approach to Female Domination has always been very holistic. I strive to impact not just your sexuality but other aspects of your existence as well. Femdom Life Coaching is the best term to describe My intentions. The creation of a plan for slaves and submissives whether they are proponents of My doctrine or not. The idea is that your devotion to Female Domination should have an influence in your every day life. We are not always prepared to serve in a holistic fashion. There is a focus on sex, and orgasms, and kink distractions. But Femdom is about more than that for many. It should be a way of life, a way of being. Life coaching is about being in the present, about influencing your present to attain a specific goal. Who better to help you on that journey than a Domme? Femdom Life Coaching creates an environment where both your sexual self and your being can grow.

Femdom Life Coaching can include:

  • Exploration of new fetishes
  • Finding ways to express your devotion without compromising current relationships
  • Creating a daily routine that works and you can stick to
  • Learning to approach Dommes
  • Learning to work with the right Domme
  • Finding your hang ups with complete devotion
  • Coming to terms with your reality
  • Fitness and healthy habits
  • Financial budgeting and Domination
  • Homework
  • Self reflection
  • the list goes on…

The possibilities are truly endless. To celebrate My newest approach to Femdom and embracing Femdom Life Coaching, I will be creating a twelve week program for those wanting to New Year on the right foot.

Femdom Life Coaching sessions are different from Femdom sessions in that they are not focused on you pleasing Me. This is about you learning to find the right ways to please a Domme that work well for both parties. These sessions can be done via phone, text, or cam.

My goal is to be a benevolent force within your existence. Someone who can both dominate and help simultaneously to create an atmosphere in which you can flourish as a submissive, slave or other.

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade

1 888 726-2447

Emotional Fluctuations

Having just come out of a rather turbulent emotional roller-coaster, and its effects still clear in My mind, I decide to go over some of the emotional fluctuations that can potentially occur when you submit to erotic hypnosis. Like anything, there are various levels of submission and you might find that you are not as emotionally impacted as others. For this post, I am making a distinction between submission for a session and submission to a Goddess or Domme. Both are extremely powerful and both have different effects.

Emotional fluctuations can vary from one person to the next, and one session to the next. Emotional fluctuations can be different depending on who you are submitting to, or the nature of the sessions. We live in a world where emotional fluctuations are generally seen as negative. I rarely, if ever, see an emotional response as a negative, including My Own emotions. I could go on about emotions forever, but right now we are focusing on the emotional fluctuations that can happen during erotic hypnosis sessions. This list is by no means, complete. There are an almost infinite number of possible emotional responses. The intensity can vary from person to person, experience to experience, day to day.

Top Five Emotional Fluctuations During Erotic Hypnosis

  1. Lust to Love
  2. Desire to Resentment
  3. Love to Devotion
  4. submission to slavery
  5. Fear to Eroticism

1. Lust to Love:

Erotic hypnosis almost by its very nature is about lust. Sexual energy is high. Lust for both the experience and the Domme. Over time (sometimes through a single session) that lust evolves to love. True love? Not likely but love none the less. Where once you may have objectified your Goddess, it is replaced by a new found respect and care for Her on a deeper level than you were expecting. On a side note, this emotional fluctuation can occur even before a session. This is easily the most common fluctuation. I always find it interesting to watch this occur between subject and HypnoDomme. Even when I am not involved and watching from the outside.

This is one of the emotional fluctuations that rarely revert back. Chances are you will always love Her. It may lessen in intensity, or you may come to see it as “two ships passing in the night” but the love will always be there in some form or another.

2. Desire to Resentment:

I struggled with the decision to add this emotional fluctuation. It is rather negative but with the right Domme, such emotional changes will be perceived before they become an issue or She will use this change to plant the seeds for further transformation. There are moments when a submissive may find themselves resenting their Goddess. Not for something She has said or done, but rather the level of control She has over their existence. I see this as a natural progression to devotion. Resentment shows that there is an understanding as to how intense the HypnoDomme-subject relationship can actually be. Do not feel discouraged either as the subject or the Domme when this fluctuation occurs.

This is an example of an emotional fluctuation that must be an evolution of the relationship. It ends in one of two ways. 1) The resentment is dispelled as the subject accepts the control She has over them. 2) The relationship ends. This is by no means a reflection of the Hypnotist’s skill but rather a manifestation of how far the subject was willing to let the relationship go. It could be that the subject was not yet at the point in their life where this intensity was an acceptable part of their life.

3. Love to Devotion:

This transformation is My favourite. This is when a subject transcends love. Devotion is a different, deeper level of love. If you have read My Domme as a Leader piece, you may understand more of what I mean. This is when other emotional responses start to dissipate. The biggest one I notice, is jealousy. Can you really be devoted to someone if you spend more time being jealous than devoted? No, you can’t. This is where you start to see yourself as an extension of your Goddess and Her experiences. When Her happiness is truly your happiness. Many claim to be at this juncture in their relationships but they are still a little shy of the truest expression of devotion, more on that another time.

4. submissive to slave:

One of the more subtle of the emotional fluctuations, a transformation from submissive to slave, at least as per My definition. Not everyone will agree that this is an emotional change but rather a change in lifestyle choice. While I agree to a certain extent, there are emotions that are present in a submissive that are not part of the slave interaction and vise versa. A slave is a complete loss of the self, you belong, you are owned. There are a multitude of emotional transitions there. Those who have witnessed this change will know what I mean.

5. Fear to Eroticism:

I have spent quite some time describing this emotional fluctuation, so I won’t get too much into it. But as you can imagine this is an intense emotional fluctuation that is undervalued.

There are many more emotional fluctuations, I am sure you have experienced some that are not mentioned here. Share in the comments or privately.

À bientôt,

Goddess Ambre Jade

Day 8: Reflection on Lifestyle vs Professional

I have been thinking about the differences between lifestyle and professional Domination a lot lately. My puppy, whom I’ve mentioned in various posts was my first and only pro client with whom I pursued a personal relationship with. (There are some professional-lifestyle crossovers but never to this degree.) So, my puppy… I will not sit here and describe the evolution of the relationship, you can find a few posts relating to the subject. The interactions between us were nothing if not intense. His need for me was almost palpable even with the long distance thing working against us.

This lasted years. Then suddenly communications between ceased completely. No phone calls, no messages, no emails, no tributes. Nothing. The silence came out of no where and continued for a rather long period of time. A brief rekindling, and then the same silence. Recently, we were in touch again. I voiced my issue with the silence.

I don’t have problems with my slaves needing time to themselves, needing a break. I get it. I really truly do. And from a professional point of view, it is even expected. I am expensive, sometimes that requires a break. But this was someone with whom I had a personal relationship. Yes, it was still a D/s relationship. He was not my lover, nor my partner but he was mine. The abrupt dismissal of our relationship pained me to a certain extent. The disposal of something that took years to create was hurtful. I am not losing too much sleep over it at this point, I just want to paint the proper picture.

Then it happened again. This happened after I explained that this behaviour is hurtful. It hurts not because of the loss of my puppy, it hurts because he made me feel disposable and that I have always been a professional Domme in his mind. Never a person, an individual as well. This is something I expect (but try to destroy as it is not healthy for anyone) from a paying client. From someone who pays me at a per minute rate. And even then, I get pissy about radio silence. So easy to just send out an email, a phone call, a message, a text, etc.

So I was and am exceptional pissed off by my puppy’s behaviour. This is the last time that will happen. If he wants to pursue a professional relationship, that could be arranged but things will never be the same.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Guide to Finding the Right Domme

01415When it comes to finding the right Domme, there can be numerous challenges. I am well aware that I am not the right Domme for everyone, and I would not want to be either. That would diminish the relationships I already have. Sure I will do Female Domination calls with you, but that would not necessarily make you Mine. I digress. Finding the right Domme is a huge challenge for many men. There are a ton of reasons, the main one being a FemDomme is like a fucking unicorn hiding in a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow on the top of Everest. Female Dominants are rare within the BDSM community. Well not necessarily rare but there are far fewer Female Dominants than there are male submissives or switches. Looking beyond the fact that this dynamic pleases Me because this automatically puts Me in a position of power even before we are introduced, it is a problem from the other side. For you, the boy, boi, male, sub, subject, puppy, etc. that is finding the right Domme.

I cannot even begin to tell you how stupid boys are when they are trying to pursue a Domme professional or otherwise. As I do both, this allows Me a unique perspective into the ridiculous behaviour of My male followers. Obviously this is a generalization but you will see why in a moment.

How to go about finding the right Domme

First and foremost, be willing to pay for your training. Should you find someone who is not asking for tribute hooray! Yay! Good for you, but how sad that you will never know the luxury of submitting every aspect of your being to another person! A professional, regardless of the medium through which you are trained (ie, phone, text, in person, skype, etc) will know just what buttons to push with minimal (comparatively) effort on your part. It will allow you to explore within a specific relationship dynamic. If while finding the right Domme, you come across the perfect Dominant Mistress who fills all your criteria, do not dismiss Her just because She charges money. Topic for another day. Paying a Mistress is something you will likely have to do at some point in your development as a sub. Why? Because We know We can! We are the unicorns, remember? We hold all the cards. And We all deserve it!

Do NOT try to turn someone into something they are not! I am constantly hearing anecdotes from submissive women who are being berated by men for not domming them. Well, fucker, how come you will not Dom her? Oh because it doesn’t work like that for you? Guess what? It doesn’t work like that for her either. So shut the fuck up and just be friends and shit! Finding the right Domme does imply that She needs to identify as a Dominant or at least a switch. This whole trying to change someone’s sexual preference drives Me insane. It is like telling a gay man he has to fuck Me because I think he is hot.

When finding the right Domme, communication is key. As with just about anything. I go into My fetlife account, read My messages and everyday, several times a day there are people saying how nice it would be for Me to be their Domme. Well no shit!!! Imagine that. I even agree with you, but that does not mean I am going to reply to you. Firstly, you showed no proof that you read My profile. Second, you did not ask a question. Third, your profile is empty and so there is no reason for Me to think you are genuine. This is merely a summary. I will be writing a post about first contact on Domme Thoughts later in the week. On a side note, NO ONE wants to see the pic of your cock, as your profile pic or as an attachment.

The best suggestion I can give you on your journey, this is golden so write this shit down. Before finding the right Domme, know what you are looking for from a Domme. A proper Domme can groom you into what She wants with the right motivation and rapport. But before it gets to that point, know what you are looking for. For example, if you are looking for a Domme that asks very few questions during a session and verbally abuses you all session long, make sure She is into that! Don’t do a session with Someone who expresses a delight in talking and interrogation (ME 😉 )!

To Be Continued…

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade


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Guilt and submission

For some, guilt and submission seem to go hand in hand. From a personal standpoint, this is not something I understand. Perhaps, I am too hedonistic in My thoughts but I rarely if ever feel guilty. We all have our moments but guilt is not something in My usual stream of emotions. When talking with someone new yesterday, trying to decide if he deserves to be indoctrinated by Me, he professed his feelings of guilt when following his D/s side. Guilt and submission for him are a package deal. This statement frequently falls to My ears. While My personal emotional experiences do not have anything particularly enlightening on this matter. My experiences as a Dominant Woman certainly does.

Guilt and Submission as a Tool

Domme Ambre Jade talks about sensations of guilt and submissionFor some, there is an erotic component to feeling guilty. They find the sensations of guilt and failure something that adds to their sensual experiences.  For them, guilt and submission adds a spice, a further deepening to their orgasm, servitude, faith, etc. My puppy, whom I have spoken about numerous times, loves feeling guilty. OK, no he does not but his arousal (My cock, it is Mine, I own it) responds to it like nothing else. I delight in every moment where his guilt becomes overwhelming and then deny him that orgasm he has been waiting over a year for!

Not everyone has a similar response to guilt and submission. This is one of the reason, I ask how you feel about the emotion. How does it make you feel when you are guilty, etc. I tend to ask many, many question. My interrogation fetish has no limits on the discussions it likes having!

When Guilt and Submission are a Negative

Not everyone responds like My puppy. For them, the sensation of guilt does not add spice. It can, in fact take away from the experience. As a Domme, there are many moments where I decide to force you into negative emotive spaces. Mainly, for My Own amusement. Guilt over being a submissive should not, should never be used in such a manner. Guilt and submission are generally experienced by those that have not necessarily completely embraced their submissive side. They fight it. The feelings of guilt can be viewed as an attempt to fight against their nature. The feelings of guilt can be the manifestation of their fight with themselves.

How Guilt and Submission Can Work Together

This is where having a Domme, a proper Domme, can be a very beneficial relationship. The feelings of guilt can easily be resolved or at least minimized by follow orders from your Domme. your Domme will know the most effective way for you to compromise between your feelings of guilt and submission. your Domme will lead you, this is Her purpose, to lead you and satisfy both Her Own needs and yours. Dommes know how to use these sometimes conflicting emotions to Their advantage.

Important Factors When Dealing With Guilt and Submission

  • Honesty: Be honest when you are having trouble with the sensations of guilt.
  • Accountability: Understand that your Domme is not forcing you into the submission, this is your nature.
  • Communication: As with any relationship communicate your feelings with someone who can offer an objective view or at least someone you can be honest with.
  • Be Real: perform check ins with yourself. Balance yourself between your submissive self and your vanilla self. If you are having trouble communicate it.

There is so much more to say about guilt and submission. Many people have had issues and I encourage you to share your experiences as well as coping techniques.

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade

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