I find that since my injury (fractured ankle), perhaps as a result of my not being able to sleep in my bed, my dreams have taken on a whole life of their own. More than likely this is due to the meds I am taking, or the pain, seeing as I am not really taking anything that should affect my thought process. Anyway, where was I, oh yes, perverse dreaming. My dreams have taken this whole new level of insanity. It seems that a while different life is being led all while I am restlessly sleeping.
The weirdest part, none of the dreams are odd. They are normal, everyday events. Conversations with people I speak to on a regular basis, the occasional lost friend or lover but really they are so normal that I am never quite sure I am dreaming or not. These conversations are usually simple straightforward. The difference, the biggest difference between my awake self and my dreaming self, is the freedom through which my thoughts become words. Generally, I think before I speak. I think a lot before I speak. Not so much when I type, which is why I write so much. When I speak, each syllable is mapped, planned out and executed in a very deliberate manner. That is not to say I censored myself, I just pick the words, and tone carefully. It takes a fraction of a second, I have always been like that.
I promised some perverse dreaming discussion. So last night’s dreaming was the first that took on a situation apart from reality. I say perverse because this is not a situation I would like to find myself in. Though during the dream I was happy, pleased. I embraced the situation and delighted in it. I was pregnant, early pregnancy. The dream was very specific I was just on cusp of starting my second trimester. Father’s day was very likely the influence of this dream. As a single parent, as a teenage mother, there was no delighting in my pregnancy, a story for another day. Within this dream, everyone was happy. There was bliss in the knowledge that this organism grow within me.
The perverse part of this dream, is the idea of another offspring. I am perfectly content with my life as it is and my son being the age he is, there is no way another child is in the plans. It was nice though, a kind of closure I suppose. Now to hope it was not prophetic 😉