The importance of BDSM protocol is often overlooked. Protocols and routines are what keep both submissive and Dominant in their proper roles. Not initially, but as familiarity is inevitable, the reliance on protocol becomes more important. As an Individual who is very much about routine, ritual, and protocol, even in my vanilla life, I can think of no other established BDSM practice that deserves more attention of emphasis in any dynamic.
Bringing in Previously Established BDSM Protocol:
Each dynamic between Domme and submissive is different. Every Dominant has their own set of rules and behaviour they desire their submissive to emulate. Is it wrong to bring those into a new dynamic? The answer, as with many things is, “it depends.” Like everything protocols are relative to the person deciding them and the person receiving the commands. Some Mistresses despise having someone else’s protocols in their submissive. From a personal standpoint, I really don’t give a fuck where they come from so long as it is something I want or am willing to compromise on. Protocols bring comfort, so if a sub is new to me, then I give them a little more wiggle room. There are certain protocols that seem to be popular that just do not do it for me.
There is something about routine that comforts me. I am, without a doubt, not the only person who feels this way. Perhaps mine is more heightened because of all my martial arts training and the importance placed upon ritual. I like to put into place a set of parameters that serve as a demonstration of respect for the other person. You may be my submissive, however I still want to respect you. I cannot understand why people want to own what they do not respect or admire. Maybe that’s just a personal little quirk I have. There are times in play in which it may seem like I don’t respect you, like humiliation scenes and the life. The best thing about protocols, is that following a session, protocols are back in place and act as a reminder of your place.
A Few Examples of BDSM Protocol:
It goes without saying, or perhaps not since I am saying it anyway, that protocol is different depending on the scenario and dynamic. In person is different than virtual. Expectations are different. I do however have some universal protocol regardless of how you and I are interacting. Let’s look at a few:
- A greeting is essential, virtually this can be anything from a hello to bow. In person, my favourite is a peck on the hand or foot.
- This goes with greeting a little, if you are sending me an email, or DM and expect a reply, send a tribute. I will expand on that in a later post. There is a reason for it, not from a place of greed but of mutual respect.
- Nudity. When in a scene or approaching the time for a scene, I expect you to be nude. This goes for virtual as well, whenever possible. (I have a thing for CFNm.)
- Establish boundaries, limits and such before a session takes place. This is the same whether it is virtual or in person. (Since I also have a bit of an interrogation fetish, this works well.)
- Once a scene or session has started, make no demands! This is not your place and this is definitely not the time. Exception, red or black cards and check ins. Honestly, I will end the session. This shit just sits poorly with me.
- All apologies are done while kneeling.
There are many others and some that are not centred around BDSM. I have some that are very important to me personally, like when you leave a space, you make sure it is in the same condition as it was when you got there or better. Or when you get up from your seat, push your bloody chair in. Things that make me nuts… Anyway, these are other random things.
How Do you Establish Protocol?
Communicate… say it with me… Communicate!
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