Doormat or Submissive; What Power Exchange is Not

Power exchange is not about an individual becoming a doormat. As a submissive, you do have the ability to both refuse and negotiate how sessions will come to being. This idea that by becoming a submissive or even just identifying as a submissive means you have no rights, no say in what happens to you, is flawed. I genuinely believe that this idea that power exchange means the submissive should be doormat in order to be a “proper” submissive, grew from the need to control women’s bodies. As those of you who are part of the BDSM community, Dommes are few and far between. (One of the reasons many of us charge for our services, supply and demand, but I digress…) Women are often on the more submissive side of the power exchange.

Historically, and in the current state of things, women’s bodies are viewed as vessel for pleasure. Our purpose is purely to please our male counterparts. Our bodies are not always ours to control. Look at reproductive rights, access to contraception, porn! The concept of our bodies not being ours is not something new and it is deeply engrained into our minds as well as the minds of men. Not all obviously, I am doing my generalization thing.

Power Exchange Discussion with Ambre JadeSo how does this control of the female body relate to power exchange? As women make up the majority of submissives and the popularity of books and films, various media depicting women as the submissive will prove, the act of submission has taken on the idea of your body no longer being yours! “A real submissive would never say no to this!” “Safewords are for pussies!” (There will be a rant about that term at a later date.) Women have been treated as doormats and expect to be treated as such. A submissive (a feminine role) should be treated and expect to be treated as a doormat.

This entire view point is flawed and wrong. Doormats, while they do exist within the BDSM community, chose to be that way. In a power exchange, there is no real exchange if one is in fact a doormat. Because they themselves do not see or desire any power. A submissive has power. They decided to give it to another being for a period of time, but at the end of the session, or within designated spaces, they can take their power back.

It irks me that so many people believe that being a doormat is part of being submissive. The two have nothing to do with one another. BDSM is about trust, knowing you are giving your power to someone by choice. Someone submitting to you is a gift, not a right.

If, as a Domme, I expect doormat behaviour… because let’s face it, sometimes it is fun when your every whim is obeyed and you can do whatever you want to your submissive, then we discuss the expectation beforehand. I insist on clear, concise limits from my submissive before we session. I tailor my session accordingly. This is what makes me deserving of the gift of your submission. This is what all Dommes should reflect upon… in the power exchange, do I deserve this gift!

I have a feeling the idea of the doormat as a submissive was created to minimise the incidence of topping from the bottom. I can’t be sure, more research will have to be done.

What preconceived notions about BDSM or submission bother you?

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

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(This piece was originally going to outline behavioural differences but as I wrote and researched, I found myself changing the tone of the entire piece.)

Conversations on BDSM

With the fucking joke BDSM “themed” piece of shit book and what I am assuming will also be a shitty film, 50 Shades of Grey gaining so much popularity, it is impossible to have a casual conversation without BDSM coming up. Now, I live a life where the majority of the people within my social circle are either proponents of the BDSM lifestyle, live the lifestyle or at least grasp the basic understanding of the D/s relationship. I am not about to write about the book or the film, I read the book, so I could but there is already quality information on the subject and I really do not feel like getting into it. I have seen enough on the subject and read enough on the subject. What I am enjoying though is the casual conversations that bring up BDSM.

I feel that all of us who are proponents of the D/s lifestyle should take advantage of the casual conversations about the film and the book, to really properly explain what BDSM is and how it is not properly reflected within the book. Communication is important and now with the line of communication open we should be taking advantage and advocate for safe, sane and consensual play (which is not well represented in the books).

Conversation on BDSM with Ambre Jade
“BDSM logo” by Aida – Own work. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons 

My mother and I had a conversation on BDSM, D/s, and just sexual relationships in general this morning. My mother and I talk very freely with each other about sexuality, even our own personal sexual experience. My mother, who is not into BDSM, understands the principles and the teachings of SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and finds the whole lifestyle intriguing. We have had several conversations on BDSM. She knows that I both profit from (as a pro Domme) and live this lifestyle. She accepts it and defends my lifestyle choices with relatives and the like, a discussion for another time.

This morning we talked about the abusive nature of 50 Shades and how dangerous this is to those new to the lifestyle. Without the proper knowledge, people can get hurt. Abuse and power exchange can look very similar when you do not have the experience, the knowledge and the sometimes common sense understanding of a proper D/s relationship. We, as in those of us with the knowledge and/or experience should feel morally, ethically obligated to open the dialogue and have conversations on BDSM. Not just among our peers. Not just with people who have the same fundamental values but with those wanting to explore the lifestyle or those who are interested in pursuing their lustful thoughts into that direction.

So let’s as a community take advantage of the current pop culture BDSM bullshit and have conversations on BDSM, real BDSM and you never know, we might be the difference between someone experiencing abuse and someone empowering themselves through submission.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

What’s in a Name? Titles in BDSM

What’s in a name? The use of titles in BDSM and other kink communities is extremely common. As they should be. This piece is by no means a criticism of those who like using titles or who feel titles are important part of their relationships. I adore titles, when they are used properly. Very often, when first contacting Me, people refer to Me as Mistress. I have no problems with that. It is a non issue but what have I accomplished, how have I earned that title from you? Is it respectful? Absolutely but the use of it with minimal interaction reminds Me how easy it is to get caught up in using titles in BDSM.

Ambre Jade discusses Femdom titles in BDSMThink about it. I have never met you before. I have never had any form of interaction with you before but already you call Me Mistress. It diminishes the significance of titles in BDSM when you use it so freely. Some people are programmed that way. They automatically feel that a Woman should be referred to as Mistress, or Goddess or Lord, etc. I by no means, think you should stop this behaviour. If you feel it is right for you to use that title then by all means. But titles in BDSM should have a deeper significance. A more personalised touch when referring to someone with a title.

I have titles in BDSM that I prefer, ones that work best as a HypnoDomme vs FinDomme or FemDomme vs Lifestyle Domme. There is a lot of weight in titles. There is nothing wrong with titles in BDSM. There is power in titles! A lot of power. But the power exchange happens once the relationship has been established. Very often I receive emails that are similar to the following:

Hello Mistress,

i am not sure how to refer to You. i hope Mistress is okay…

My response is usually along the lines of, titles should be earned. you should feel compelled to call Me by a title because you know that fundamentally I am above you. I prefer that people refer to Me as Ms Ambre Jade until we have a connection. That being said, I understand that people like titles in BDSM immediately. submissives like knowing there is something they can call Me from the get go. So I do not stop you from using a title, unless I feel it is a title that has absolutely no merit in its description of Me like Princess (I hate being referred to as Princess, I know many Princesses who love the term, it just does not work for Me.).

So why am I telling you all this? Why are titles in BDSM so important? Beyond the power exchange and protocols, titles and how you refer to Me during our first few interaction gives Me an idea about the type of submissive you are. Are you someone who refers to everyone as Mistress? Do you not feel people should earn their names and titles? It is another way I can read you. So think about your liberal use of titles in BDSM. Think about how important that title truly is. Does it accurately describe the person? Or are you using it out of habit?

Just some thoughts for your day!

À bientôt,

Maîtresse (title) Ambre Jade


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Every Orgasm Belongs to Me

your orgasm belongs to Ambre Jade

There is something that happens as you orgasm, as you cum. When you submit to this pleasure, you open yourself up. There is a moment (though generally short lived) where nothing matters except that moment. The pleasure running over you, the erotic sensations of feeling yourself give in to pleasure. This energy, this moment can and should be harnessed. There is a way to take that erotic energy and evolve it into something more than just instant gratification. A way to use that sensation to affect your life in a deeper way than you thought possible. This energy can act as the perfect catalyst to your true submission.

Orgasm as Submission

Every orgasm requires a certain release of control. These moments where your mind is no longer in control of your biological responses. Every orgasm has this component of submission. Domme or sub, vanilla, with a partner, without a partner, with multiple partners, etc. These moments of orgasm, regardless of the circumstances surrounding them have a moment of submission to the pleasure. A giving in or letting go of everything. This is one of the main reasons I never and have never had an orgasm with a sub (but that is a topic for another day). Even if the dynamic of the moment is not one of power exchange, you are exchanging power within your own body. The power removed from your mind, from your conscious brain and placed into the more primal, biological need to feel pleasure.

Harness that Energy and Use It Properly

With the right set of circumstances, an apt set of words, that energy can be poured into something else. Chastity is not absolutely necessary to achieve good harnessing of orgasmic energy. Though chastity remains a personal favourite of Mine, there are subjects who do not respond to it as well or just do not enjoy it. So I created a file, a recorded hypnosis session, whose only purpose is to harness that energy and use the biological processes at work during orgasm to My benefit, to My advantage and, of course, your pleasure! This virtually untapped fount of energy that is already submissive in natural can be harnessed and used to solidify your submission to your Goddess. Many take advantage of this connection but not every recording is as focused as My erotic hypnosis session “Every Cum For Me.

Allow yourself to submit to pleasure while making your submission to Me more concrete!

À bientôt,

Goddess Ambre Jade

Getting Healthy Through Hypnosis

GetHealthyThere has been some discussion about getting healthy, losing weight, things of that nature on the Femdom Devotionals Forum, I participate in with Princess Indigo and Empress Vox (Hypnotic Haylee). Wouldn’t it be great if you could start getting healthy through hypnosis? If you could get healthy all for the love you feel for your Hypnosis Goddess! Well saddle up 🙂 We have some healthy living to discuss!!! I will be creating a series of files for those who will be participating in My Healthy Living Challenge for 30 Days.

I would like you to embrace the idea of getting healthy through hypnosis. Let’s use hypnosis as a tool to fortify your desire for healthy living. We can use it to increase your resolve and devotion to creating a new lifestyle and adjusting your relationship with food. There are so many tiny things you can do to embrace a healthier lifestyle and I would like My subjects, submissives, slaves, puppies, etc to all be as healthy as they can be!

Healthy Through Hypnosis and Healthy Living Challenge

This process is going to be difficult for some. This is not something to take on, thinking it can be accomplished casually. There will be diet (by diet I only mean what you ingest, I do not believe in fad diets or quick slim downs etc) monitoring and discussion, nutritional requirement talks, work out planning, meal planning, basically your life will be Mine for the next 30 days! Discussion on past events, cravings, changing and adapting to new food relationships, cooking discussions. you can easily see where I am going with all this!

I will not only be your Goddess but also your controller, your Life Coach, your Confidante and so much more. I will learn everything about you. And you will gladly share it with Me.

I am really excited for this project. So here is what you need to do for Me, this is going to be Day One’s release but we can take sneak a looksie 😉

  1. Join My Fitness Pal, I am on there it is an easy way to keep track of everything
  2. Become My friend on there, My profile is:
  3. Follow My Healthy For Ambre blog, join it, participate
  4. And more…

Some side notes before you get all over excited, I am not a trainer, I can only offer My personal thoughts. If you are new to exercising talk to you MD, talk to your MD if you have health issues and the like as well… This is for entertainment purposes only!

There will be a variety of hypnosis sessions available related to getting Healthy for Ambre! Including a Quit Smoking hypnosis session. Be on the look out as well for Doll Time 2, Corridors 3 and Mummy Wrapped (working title;) )!

Have you been keeping up with My 30 Days of Kink? Check it out on My Doctrine Site!

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade