While writing down the qualities I want to have as a Domme, I noticed that many of them emulated those of a great leader. A leader, to me, is not necessarily someone in a position of power but rather someone who inspires the devotion of those around them. We do not follow great leaders because we have no choice. We follow them because they make us better. They make us want to be better. They inspire us.
Should we see Dommes as leaders? Not every Domme is a leader and not every leader is dominant but would it not be advantageous as a submissive to be inspired by your Domme? This is something I aspire to. I want to inspire greatness from my submissives. What other characteristics would be great for a Domme to have?
Knowledge of Limitations
I am not just referring to the physical limits of an individual but in a broader sense. I need to be fully aware of my own limits. The knowledge of what I can and can not do is invaluable. Knowledge is also power. The power to know when the perceived limits can be and should be pushed.
Control
Not only the ability to control a submissive but having self control is EXTREMELY important. When someone gives you power over their body, you need to be in complete control. You must have control over your emotions. Never lay a hand in anger. Be aware of what you as an individual are feeling and check it in at the door.
Confidence
It goes without saying that a Domme should be confident. Be confident in your abilities and in the abilities of your sub. This ties in with your knowledge of limitations, if you are not sure, not confident, do not do it. Demand (control) that your sub and you interact in a different manner.
Honesty
This is one of the characteristics I find the hardest. As a professional Domme it is difficult to be honest all of the time. There is still a business component to the relationship which can be difficult. I try to make it a point, to always be honest. Do not mistake honesty for full disclosure. No one really needs to know everything about you, unless you are in a defined partnership and even then it depends on the relationship.
Good Communicator
This is essential! Why would anyone follow someone who can not string two words together? Clear, concise commands are the most effective. Another component of communication is the ability to listen. Be willing to hear out the thoughts of your submissive. Yes, they are, in this context, inferior but that does not mean they are free of thought and feeling. Learn to read body language and listen for words that may not mean what you think they mean.
Respect
As a Domme, you want those around you to respect you. This is not something that can be commanded or forced. But when you are comparing yourself to a leader, respect means something else. It means you respect those around you. I understand that not everyone will agree with me here, but I feel that a Domme should respect her subjects. They should be respected! They are giving you power over them, be it their minds or their bodies, for 5 minutes or 5 years, they are giving the power to you. You should respect their decision. They decided you were the most suitable Domme, they respect you that much.
Obviously there are other qualities of a leader, that a Domme should try and emulate. They should be devoted to you. You should lead them.
What qualities do you find most appealing? What does she/he do that you feel makes them the best leader for you?
I loved reading this article in particular. I relate to a lot of what you have written. I know very well what my own strengths and weaknesses are a Domme. In terms of honesty, it is a difficult area for a Domme. I have found repeatedly that slaves and fans will press for a more personal insight into my life and I have to be very firm about where the boundaries are. In terms of actual training pleasure and pain are used to condition a slave and the Domme is very aware of what the consequences might be even if the slave cant recognise that at the time. A Domme has to learn which things to hide and which things to reveal and it is different with each new slave and individual they meet.
I agree that honesty is really one of the hardest qualities to emulate without full disclosure. I try comparing it to full disclosure. I do not believe in full disclosure. It is of no concern what my vanilla name may be, what school my child goes to, where specifically my home is on a map. Full disclosure poses a safety issue but being honest about not disclosing is still honesty, at least to me and people need to understand that! It is quite the rope to balance on.
This is an excellent piece of writing. I’m a sub, I know the people that have got the best from me, have been people who have been able to foster that leadership and inspire in me a confidence to push myself. Moreover one of the reasons I am so committed to my Domme, is the way she is able not just to control herself and myself, but the way that what she does always commands respect, not just from her subs but from many in the scene. This article rang so many bells for me, its clearly written with a real knowledge and insight into the dynamics of D/s. Thank you.
I am happy you enjoyed it! Respect is a huge factor!
i love this article,moving away from “fetish” i like an air of command and confidence in a domme
I am glad you enjoyed it! Command and confidence are incredibly important for a Domme. Sometimes it is nice to away from fetish for moment to reflect 🙂
i love this, it’s really well written and You are absolutely right Goddess, all of these qualities are extremely important and i’ve never really considered the qualities that Dommes and leaders share but now it is so obvious. Great piece Goddess.