Viewing Your Domme as a Leader

Domme as a Leader

While writing down the qualities I want to have as a Domme, I noticed that many of them emulated those of a great leader. A leader, to me, is not necessarily someone in a position of power but rather someone who inspires the devotion of those around them. We do not follow great leaders because we have no choice. We follow them because they make us better. They make us want to be better. They inspire us.

Should we see Dommes as leaders? Not every Domme is a leader and not every leader is dominant but would it not be advantageous as a submissive to be inspired by your Domme? This is something I aspire to. I want to inspire greatness from my submissives. What other characteristics would be great for a Domme to have?

Knowledge of Limitations

I am not just referring to the physical limits of an individual but in a broader sense. I need to be fully aware of my own limits. The knowledge of what I can and can not do is invaluable. Knowledge is also power. The power to know when the perceived limits can be and should be pushed.


Not only the ability to control a submissive but having self control is EXTREMELY important. When someone gives you power over their body, you need to be in complete control. You must have control over your emotions. Never lay a hand in anger. Be aware of what you as an individual are feeling and check it in at the door.


It goes without saying that a Domme should be confident. Be confident in your abilities and in the abilities of your sub. This ties in with your knowledge of limitations, if you are not sure, not confident, do not do it. Demand (control) that your sub and you interact in a different manner.


This is one of the characteristics I find the hardest. As a professional Domme it is difficult to be honest all of the time. There is still a business component to the relationship which can be difficult. I try to make it a point, to always be honest. Do not mistake honesty for full disclosure. No one really needs to know everything about you, unless you are in a defined partnership and even then it depends on the relationship.

Good Communicator

This is essential! Why would anyone follow someone who can not string two words together? Clear, concise commands are the most effective. Another component of communication is the ability to listen. Be willing to hear out the thoughts of your submissive. Yes, they are, in this context, inferior but that does not mean they are free of thought and feeling. Learn to read body language and listen for words that may not mean what you think they mean.


As a Domme, you want those around you to respect you. This is not something that can be commanded or forced. But when you are comparing yourself to a leader, respect means something else. It means you respect those around you. I understand that not everyone will agree with me here, but I feel that a Domme should respect her subjects. They should be respected! They are giving you power over them, be it their minds or their bodies, for 5 minutes or 5 years, they are giving the power to you. You should respect their decision. They decided you were the most suitable Domme, they respect you that much.

Obviously there are other qualities of a leader, that a Domme should try and emulate. They should be devoted to you. You should lead them.

What qualities do you find most appealing? What does she/he do that you feel makes them the best leader for you?