Fear and Desire

In My experience, fear and desire go hand in hand. What an individual fears is on many occasions something they desire. And vice versa. As you may have noticed this week I am focusing on fear, as I think it is an important part of your experience with a Domme. Fear plays a massive part on how we react to stimuli, how we perceive danger vs pleasure. So why would it not play a huge part in our desires? Our desires, our deep desires, the ones we do not like to talk about, often come from a place of fear. Fear and desire go together. They create a delicious ebb and flow between emotions, reactions and submission.

Fear and Desire in Fantasy Life

In our fantasies, in our imaginations we have the ability to create any scenario and the fear we feel, is less “real” making it safe to explore without worrying about the consequences. Think about it for a moment. If you reflect enough, find one of those fantasies you “want” to live out but haven’t yet, is fear not the biggest reason you have not lived it out? And would it not also be true to say that fear, the fear within the experience is what adds the spice to the fantasy? Fear and desire, fear and fantasy, fear plays a big role.

Fear and Desire with Ambre JadeA huge fantasy that comes up when I work with someone, probably the most popular, is the idea of total Domination over that person’s life. Every action, every desire, every breath needs permission from Me. The desire for this ultimate submission is strong for many submissive people. But the fear of a total lack of control makes them hesitant. The fear of the experience, the fear of not knowing what your Dominant will request of you, is a HUGE part of the desire. Two different fears, two different ways they can manifest.

Best Representation of Fear and Desire Working Together

There are many fantasies and scenarios that show the playful interaction between fear and desire. The best representation, rather the easiest to see the flow between fear and desire is blackmail. Blackmail is a massive fetish. It represents a good portion of My sessions, not all but My having an interrogation fetish means it is easy to add to sessions, but I digress. Blackmail is based on the fear of getting caught. The heart racing, autonomic response to fear heightens the desire, makes the experiences that much more pleasurable. Fear in this instance is a tool.

What fear do you have that goes with your desire? Where does fear and desire work for you?

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade

Guilt and submission

For some, guilt and submission seem to go hand in hand. From a personal standpoint, this is not something I understand. Perhaps, I am too hedonistic in My thoughts but I rarely if ever feel guilty. We all have our moments but guilt is not something in My usual stream of emotions. When talking with someone new yesterday, trying to decide if he deserves to be indoctrinated by Me, he professed his feelings of guilt when following his D/s side. Guilt and submission for him are a package deal. This statement frequently falls to My ears. While My personal emotional experiences do not have anything particularly enlightening on this matter. My experiences as a Dominant Woman certainly does.

Guilt and Submission as a Tool

Domme Ambre Jade talks about sensations of guilt and submissionFor some, there is an erotic component to feeling guilty. They find the sensations of guilt and failure something that adds to their sensual experiences.  For them, guilt and submission adds a spice, a further deepening to their orgasm, servitude, faith, etc. My puppy, whom I have spoken about numerous times, loves feeling guilty. OK, no he does not but his arousal (My cock, it is Mine, I own it) responds to it like nothing else. I delight in every moment where his guilt becomes overwhelming and then deny him that orgasm he has been waiting over a year for!

Not everyone has a similar response to guilt and submission. This is one of the reason, I ask how you feel about the emotion. How does it make you feel when you are guilty, etc. I tend to ask many, many question. My interrogation fetish has no limits on the discussions it likes having!

When Guilt and Submission are a Negative

Not everyone responds like My puppy. For them, the sensation of guilt does not add spice. It can, in fact take away from the experience. As a Domme, there are many moments where I decide to force you into negative emotive spaces. Mainly, for My Own amusement. Guilt over being a submissive should not, should never be used in such a manner. Guilt and submission are generally experienced by those that have not necessarily completely embraced their submissive side. They fight it. The feelings of guilt can be viewed as an attempt to fight against their nature. The feelings of guilt can be the manifestation of their fight with themselves.

How Guilt and Submission Can Work Together

This is where having a Domme, a proper Domme, can be a very beneficial relationship. The feelings of guilt can easily be resolved or at least minimized by follow orders from your Domme. your Domme will know the most effective way for you to compromise between your feelings of guilt and submission. your Domme will lead you, this is Her purpose, to lead you and satisfy both Her Own needs and yours. Dommes know how to use these sometimes conflicting emotions to Their advantage.

Important Factors When Dealing With Guilt and Submission

  • Honesty: Be honest when you are having trouble with the sensations of guilt.
  • Accountability: Understand that your Domme is not forcing you into the submission, this is your nature.
  • Communication: As with any relationship communicate your feelings with someone who can offer an objective view or at least someone you can be honest with.
  • Be Real: perform check ins with yourself. Balance yourself between your submissive self and your vanilla self. If you are having trouble communicate it.

There is so much more to say about guilt and submission. Many people have had issues and I encourage you to share your experiences as well as coping techniques.

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade

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