Swingers and Fetishists

For the purposes of this article, I am using Fetishist and practitioners of BDSM interchangeably. This is not always the case but in this instance it applies to the BDSM community and fetishist feels like a better word than Domme, sub, Dom, slave, puppy, Owner, Mistress, ... the list goes on. Thus fetishist as the term used here.

It’s interesting. There seems to have always been a certain animosity between swingers and fetishists. Even with a rather significant overlap in behaviours. I was at the swingers’ baths the other night and as usually was having a wonderful time. While I do not see myself as a swinger, it is not really something I participate in, I always enjoy being there. I blame the water 😉 A girlfriend and I were talking about the quasi feud that there seems to be between the two cultures. My friend has been into BDSM longer than I have, and though not currently part of the scene, she was for a long time.

What is it about these two cultures that causes the friction? Swingers and fetishists have a lot in common. Both are seen as deviant behaviour, counter culture. They have their own clubs and gatherings. They have their own rules and behavioural expectations. What is it that keeps them apart?

To figure this out, I went back in time to my first encounter with the notions of swingers and fetishists. The BDSM community is BIG on consent, and if they are not, stay away, but a discussion for another time. Consent is a massive part of the BDSM lifestyle. Why? Because you are electing to either cause or receive pain. This is one of the few places where consent is utilized properly. Where as swingers, without the aspect of pain see consent as a given. Not necessarily a given but they tend to see consent in a way that is comparable to the way the rest of society sees it. It is assumed consent is there.

While I do not feel that my experiences within the swinger baths showed a violation of consent, or that anyone was indulging in something that went beyond what was consensual, there were also no discussions about it. No active informed consent, no consent discussions, no debating or negotiating. The consent was assumed.

Maybe this is key to why the two communities seem at odds. I have to admit, coming from the background I do, my ideals, my views, the lack of these consent discussions were a little shocking. More so when you take into account the consuming of alcohol. What can I say, different strokes. The swinger culture has a sense of freedom that I can’t help but covet. Is it for me? Absolutely not. Could it be in the future? Who knows, sexuality is fluid. The BDSM community has structure, roles, rules and regulations, consent. For now, my sexuality swings (pun totally intended) more toward BDSM and likely always will.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

Some Thoughts on FemDom Name Calling

I am not a huge fan of name calling. Well, that’s an exaggeration. There are certain terms and expressions I LOVE and use on a fairly regular basis. I do have many terms I hate to use and hate to say. When the terms come up organically, I have no issues. The rhythm is not broken and things just flow nicely. It is not that I have a problem with naughty words or aggressive behaviour. Believe Me, I have no qualms being a bitchy Cunt! There are just some terms that are a seemingly prominent part of Femdom name calling. To each Their own, of course, and I do not criticize anyone for using the terms I dislike. I just have trouble forcing them from between My tasty lips.

Why do I hate these Femdom name calling terms? And what terms get under My skin.

Femdom Name Calling with Ambre Jade

paypig: I cannot even begin to explain how much I hate this term and how it is comes up soooo often within the Findom community. I get it “OINK OINK OINK” and all that. But why this particular term? I have tried, I really have to love this Femdom name calling term. It is hugely popular. It is great business but fuck, I just cannot get down with it. I have said piggy before. It came out nicely as My guy was snorting at the time. I wish I could give you a more precise reason as to why it irks Me so much. I really do not know. Perhaps it is a combination of its overuse and the idea that the relationship is so completely one dimension. I am not saying it is one dimensional, it just seems that way whenever I read it.

faggot: I have said it before and will likely say it again but only when it flows well. My aversion to this particular Femdom name calling term is easier to put into words than paypig. This word just feeds homophobia and the idea that being gay is an insult. It isn’t. It is a state of being.

stupid: Oh My Fucking Gods do I hate this word!!! As a way to describe a specific behaviour, I have no problems using it. “Well fuck, that was stupid!” But as a word to describe an individual, especially an individual who has chosen to spend their time with Me, NO, NEVER. When you make the decision to worship Me, to spend on Me, to talk with Me, you are making a brilliant choice! This Femdom name calling word does not apply. you are not stupid. By calling Me, you have proven that you are not stupid.

sissy: This Femdom name calling term is up there with paypig in that I really want to like it. And the term does apply in many many cases. It does come up naturally, and in those instances I will use it. But I hate Myself afterwards, every single time. It reminds Me is school yard bullying bullshit. Which could easily be why some people enjoy that particular term. There is also the undertones and implications that being feminized makes you inferior. If anything to Me, feminization brings you up the ladder 🙂

Are there Femdom Name Calling Terms you dislike? Do you like some of the ones on My list?

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade