It happens, even to the most experienced of us. Sometimes we end up pushing to hard. We push our subs and slaves into situations they may not be ready for. The important part is communication between the two of you.
So here is how it happened… my puppy, whom I see less frequently than I would like but often enough that I consider him a rather permanent part of my life. There are moments, these fleeting romantic notions that actually make me ill most of the time, where I think about my puppy in the sense of finally finding someone with whom I click well. Someone who will always be my puppy and I will forever be his owner. My error in judgement happened when I mentioned this to him. When I express an interest in taking what we currently have and taking it to another level. To me, it seemed the natural progression of our relationship. To him, this was a terrifying notion! Not terrifying in that leaving with me would be awful. I know that should the two of us decide that cohabitation is the best step, we would both be very happy with the results. Deep down he knows that. He fears stems from a history of failed relationships and concerns about living with another individual, any individual again.
As his Domme, I should have foreseen his reaction to my thoughts. I should have known that my words were bound to trigger some deep, hidden trauma. I was not thinking when I voiced my thoughts. I took a leap without thoughts concerning potential consequences. The problem is, I know I am right. I know that step in our relationship will be satisfying, amazing and challenging. I am not thinking it will all be rainbows and fucking lollipops. I knew it would be a challenge for us. That the potential hiccups would be significant. I was not anticipating his full on retreat from me.
His response actually frightened me. He went completely stoic. Since we live rather far apart and our communications limited to phone and text, I was not sure at first what was happening. Simple excuses like being busy or tired seemed to make perfect sense. I could sense him retreating but I had no idea to what extent.
He was recently removed from his everyday life, a vacation of sorts which caused him to pour out with such extreme honesty, the whole experience was eye opening for me and incredibly touching. The intensity of our relationship was not what terrified him. It was the idea of living together. His stoicism scared the shit out of me. We all have our trauma, mine stems from being lied to or lies of omission. Omission is probably the worst possible scenario for me. So as you can imagine, the beginning of our conversation involve quite a lot of hurt feelings. And the temptation to shed a tear was ever present, for those of you who know me well, you understand how truly rare this type of emotional reaction is from me.
I have never before felt the physical distance between us to that extent. Usually, it feels like we are right beside each other, talking or playing on my bed even if he is not physically there. The raw emotions that were finally coming into light between was both liberating and devastating. I was devastated that he did not feel he could share these feeling with me until that moment. Devastated that our closeness, was merely my perceived closeness. I do not think his intentions were to hurt me through his omissions. I think he felt that he HAD to obey me. I was crushed that he did not feel entitled to a space where he could share his feeling. Ashamed at my own behaviour, the part of me that prevented properly creating that safe space. When all our thoughts and struggles were brought to the forefront, I wanted nothing more than to hold my puppy, to feel the comfort I get from merely running my fingers across his skin and watching his knees buckle. He needed that closeness too, I could feel it. Some sort of reassurance that yes, you can share your thoughts and no, I will not throw you away.
All this rambling to say, it is not just the submissive that get emotionally attached, and communication really is key.