What’s in a name? The use of titles in BDSM and other kink communities is extremely common. As they should be. This piece is by no means a criticism of those who like using titles or who feel titles are important part of their relationships. I adore titles, when they are used properly. Very often, when first contacting Me, people refer to Me as Mistress. I have no problems with that. It is a non issue but what have I accomplished, how have I earned that title from you? Is it respectful? Absolutely but the use of it with minimal interaction reminds Me how easy it is to get caught up in using titles in BDSM.
Think about it. I have never met you before. I have never had any form of interaction with you before but already you call Me Mistress. It diminishes the significance of titles in BDSM when you use it so freely. Some people are programmed that way. They automatically feel that a Woman should be referred to as Mistress, or Goddess or Lord, etc. I by no means, think you should stop this behaviour. If you feel it is right for you to use that title then by all means. But titles in BDSM should have a deeper significance. A more personalised touch when referring to someone with a title.
I have titles in BDSM that I prefer, ones that work best as a HypnoDomme vs FinDomme or FemDomme vs Lifestyle Domme. There is a lot of weight in titles. There is nothing wrong with titles in BDSM. There is power in titles! A lot of power. But the power exchange happens once the relationship has been established. Very often I receive emails that are similar to the following:
i am not sure how to refer to You. i hope Mistress is okay…
My response is usually along the lines of, titles should be earned. you should feel compelled to call Me by a title because you know that fundamentally I am above you. I prefer that people refer to Me as Ms Ambre Jade until we have a connection. That being said, I understand that people like titles in BDSM immediately. submissives like knowing there is something they can call Me from the get go. So I do not stop you from using a title, unless I feel it is a title that has absolutely no merit in its description of Me like Princess (I hate being referred to as Princess, I know many Princesses who love the term, it just does not work for Me.).
So why am I telling you all this? Why are titles in BDSM so important? Beyond the power exchange and protocols, titles and how you refer to Me during our first few interaction gives Me an idea about the type of submissive you are. Are you someone who refers to everyone as Mistress? Do you not feel people should earn their names and titles? It is another way I can read you. So think about your liberal use of titles in BDSM. Think about how important that title truly is. Does it accurately describe the person? Or are you using it out of habit?
Just some thoughts for your day!
Maîtresse (title) Ambre Jade