Guide to Finding the Right Domme

01415When it comes to finding the right Domme, there can be numerous challenges. I am well aware that I am not the right Domme for everyone, and I would not want to be either. That would diminish the relationships I already have. Sure I will do Female Domination calls with you, but that would not necessarily make you Mine. I digress. Finding the right Domme is a huge challenge for many men. There are a ton of reasons, the main one being a FemDomme is like a fucking unicorn hiding in a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow on the top of Everest. Female Dominants are rare within the BDSM community. Well not necessarily rare but there are far fewer Female Dominants than there are male submissives or switches. Looking beyond the fact that this dynamic pleases Me because this automatically puts Me in a position of power even before we are introduced, it is a problem from the other side. For you, the boy, boi, male, sub, subject, puppy, etc. that is finding the right Domme.

I cannot even begin to tell you how stupid boys are when they are trying to pursue a Domme professional or otherwise. As I do both, this allows Me a unique perspective into the ridiculous behaviour of My male followers. Obviously this is a generalization but you will see why in a moment.

How to go about finding the right Domme

First and foremost, be willing to pay for your training. Should you find someone who is not asking for tribute hooray! Yay! Good for you, but how sad that you will never know the luxury of submitting every aspect of your being to another person! A professional, regardless of the medium through which you are trained (ie, phone, text, in person, skype, etc) will know just what buttons to push with minimal (comparatively) effort on your part. It will allow you to explore within a specific relationship dynamic. If while finding the right Domme, you come across the perfect Dominant Mistress who fills all your criteria, do not dismiss Her just because She charges money. Topic for another day. Paying a Mistress is something you will likely have to do at some point in your development as a sub. Why? Because We know We can! We are the unicorns, remember? We hold all the cards. And We all deserve it!

Do NOT try to turn someone into something they are not! I am constantly hearing anecdotes from submissive women who are being berated by men for not domming them. Well, fucker, how come you will not Dom her? Oh because it doesn’t work like that for you? Guess what? It doesn’t work like that for her either. So shut the fuck up and just be friends and shit! Finding the right Domme does imply that She needs to identify as a Dominant or at least a switch. This whole trying to change someone’s sexual preference drives Me insane. It is like telling a gay man he has to fuck Me because I think he is hot.

When finding the right Domme, communication is key. As with just about anything. I go into My fetlife account, read My messages and everyday, several times a day there are people saying how nice it would be for Me to be their Domme. Well no shit!!! Imagine that. I even agree with you, but that does not mean I am going to reply to you. Firstly, you showed no proof that you read My profile. Second, you did not ask a question. Third, your profile is empty and so there is no reason for Me to think you are genuine. This is merely a summary. I will be writing a post about first contact on Domme Thoughts later in the week. On a side note, NO ONE wants to see the pic of your cock, as your profile pic or as an attachment.

The best suggestion I can give you on your journey, this is golden so write this shit down. Before finding the right Domme, know what you are looking for from a Domme. A proper Domme can groom you into what She wants with the right motivation and rapport. But before it gets to that point, know what you are looking for. For example, if you are looking for a Domme that asks very few questions during a session and verbally abuses you all session long, make sure She is into that! Don’t do a session with Someone who expresses a delight in talking and interrogation (ME 😉 )!

To Be Continued…

À bientôt,

Maîtresse Ambre Jade


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When Self Confidence Falters

It is very rare that I have self confidence issues. I genuinely believe the hype about myself. I enjoy feeling superior and the similar sensations that sweep through an individual when they identify as Domme. There are moments though where my self confidence falters, moments where believing my hype is not quite enough. It is rare but such moments do occur. Every time it happens to me, the feelings are so alien, I have no clue how to deal with them.

My most recent difficulty lays in my body. I am a big woman. Happily so, I work out, I eat well and mostly organic. I live a fairly active lifestyle. I take care of my body. So being bigger than some is not really an issue for me. The issue came to me in the form of a picture. More specifically, a picture of my breasts and chest while I am wearing a bra.

2014-06-18 09.12.11

The issue I have with it, the problem is the scar that runs from just below my collar bone past my xiphoid process, well what is left of my xiphoid process. I suppose it is not that apparent but to me, when I look at it all I see is this:


Sorry if that was a little too graphic.

So how does one remove themselves from the scars? From the sensation of feeling butchered and broken? I decided to post the first image anyway. To fight through my immediate impulse to delete the image. But I found myself nervous, scared, worried that the physical imperfection that seems so clearly evident to me would be poorly received. Remember these sorts of feelings are rather foreign to me. So what happened? I receive a message from one of my good girls telling me “I love that picture, and I love your scar.” Well, if another person can love it, should I then not embrace it? Should I continue to cover it up, returning over and over again to the cyclical sensations of trauma? Or do I admit it. I am not physically perfect.

She also states, “It is another beautiful part of you, your story and your strength!” It is beautiful, isn’t it? It is proof of my own survival. It is sexy in a way that makes me unique. Lesson learned! Imperfections on the surface do not make you less Dominant. They make you unique, an individual with a story, with tales of survival and triumph. No one really wants a cookie cutter Domme. They want a being who has something to share, experiences they learn and have adapted to. That is what makes perfection!