This is my new favourite thing on the internet:
So many sexual experiences are clouded by shame. Shame affects us all, even when we least expect it. I have always been lucky in that the majority of my sexual experiences have been empowering. I feel very little shame when it comes to sex, or whom I am attracted to. It always shocks me when people say, “I can talk to you about this but I would never tell anyone else.” When I ask why, it is usually something along the lines of being judged by others.
I understand that not everyone was raised in a sexually empowered environment like I was. That not everyone talks as freely about sex and sexual experiences with those around them as I do. It is unfortunate. Sure, there will always be people who judge. I am judged constantly. I don’t care though. I have always lived counter culture, which means you either constantly fight to justify your choices are you just say, well fuck you. I am happy and don’t need your approval. All that to say the idea of shame is fairly alien to me.
And then, I read (some of) the comments on that fantastic video. In reading them, I started to understand why so many people are hesitant to enjoy the sexual experience. The random correlations that people seem to make with a woman embracing a one night stand is dumbfounding. As a woman, it offends me that the idea of my embracing a one night stand will cause all the children to conceive and hell to reign on earth. I suppose this is where the shame comes from. The ridiculous uneducated trolling of individuals who have nothing better to do than spit random consequences that have little or nothing to do with the sexual experience.
Is this why people feel shame? Because others make snap unfounded correlations between their sexual behaviour and the state of the world? Do people let others’ stupidity affect the enjoyment of their experience? I can’t speak for others or what motivates shame around the sexual experience. All I can do is not feel shame and continue enjoying my sexual self. If people are uncomfortable because of their own hang ups that is their problem and not mine.
This doesn’t mean you have to announce your experiences unless you want to. I just mean, we should not, especially women should not allow people to perpetuate the myths created false correlations between a lack of sexual shame and the downfall of society. Enjoy the sexual experience. Embrace it. If you are feeling shame, make sure that has to do with your own response and not one conditioned by the judgmental people surrounding us.
À bientôt,
Ambre Jade
Post Script: My intention in writing this was not the rant that it became. Stupid comments… I allow them to affect me more than I should sometimes.