So I just realised that during my ambitious 30 Days of Domme Thoughts, I completely skipped over day 5. I start several posts before actually completing them. As a result I guess I lost track of what day I was actually on. I make silly oversights like that every now and then. I tend to start out post, with the intention of completing them, but the research, the planning and the like tends to run longer than a single day creation. Some things take time and though this is more about witnessing my life, I like to create something of substance every now and then.
Some my Day 5 oopsie, a full day not forgotten but completely skipped over. We all make mistakes. Recognition and admission of an error is more powerful than ignoring the error completely. I believe that is part of my reasoning in creating this whole blog. To let people know that Dommes, professional or otherwise are capable of making mistakes and that ones dominance comes from the ability to admit them, learn from them and have them not repeat.
Sounds pretty heavy right? A slight overreaction to a mere numerical error. But this practice of accountability is what fuels an individual’s ability to dominate their existence regardless of how they identify (Domme, sub, switch, etc). Accountability for our errors is what keeps us on track. Some errors are insignificant but if we cannot admit to something small and silly, how can you expect to admit an error when it is something more intense? I make mistakes, I have several times and I will continue to make them. In my BDSM life, my sex life, my vanilla life, my parenting, my work, my play… you get the idea, mistakes happen everywhere, all the time. Admitting to them, being held accountable for them, whoever small or severe the consequences is what keeps us learning and growing as individuals.
A Domme/Dom who cannot admit their mistakes, their potential errors is a dangerous thing. Someone can be perfect without attaining perfection, but someone claiming perfection without having failed is either incredibly lucky or lying to themselves. It takes once, one crack of the crop that is misplaced or too hard to create a potentially volatile situation. Not just for whomever is on the receiving end but also for the Dominant. It is hard to trust your strikes if you are not familiar with how someone will react. Learning the hard way can be difficult, and rough and just generally unpleasant but not learning, pretending everything was fine or that it was the subs fault (I have witnessed this sort of “explanation numerous times) is not benefiting a single person. You are not growing as a Domme and you may have created a situation where the sub is not willing to express their sexuality in the same way anymore.
I have encountered several situations in which I push too hard. I generally recognize them before any occurs but experience has taught me that. Lessons I previously learned. This is not to say every new experience should be light or carefully planned out (unless you work best that way). It means you should always approach with caution and recognise situation where a mistake is possible and work through it. A Domme, in my opinion, should never get sucked into the moment. They should always be in complete control of both themselves and their submissive. And if you make a mistake, you are willing to admit to it. Not during a scene, unless it is a red light sort of situation but afterwards, as part of your aftercare. “Sorry about that hit right there, it was a little off, you might find it hurts more than I meant it to. I will be more careful in the future…” something like that.
Anyway, those are my Domme Thoughts of the day 🙂 What would you like to hear either from your subs or Domme or partner when a mistake is made? When is the best time for you to hear or share the mistake?